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The Parishioners I Have Not Met
Fr. David Barnes • March 19, 2025
Dear Friends in Christ,
Usually when I write in the bulletin, in my mind, I am not writing to an anonymous group of persons who may or may not read these letters. I am thinking of the faces that I see each week sitting in the pews or in the rush at the end of Mass as you pass by. I am thinking about particular faces. Christianity is not vague or ambiguous. It is about particular persons. Firstly, it is about the persons of the Blessed Trinity, Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. It is about particular brothers and sisters who sit near us at Mass. We do not love vaguely. We love particularly.
This past week, I visited some homebound parishioners. Some I knew from when they were able to come to Mass regularly, but others I have never met. It struck me that there are faces I do not see who are also our parishioners. Today, in a particular way, I want to write to them. Maybe, in God’s Providence, their eyes might fall upon these words. Either way, I trust that there is no harm in writing to the faces that I do not see.
Among the faces that I do not see are those previously mentioned. You are those who were long an active presence in our pews. You were the people who “did things.” You served on parish committees, volunteered in various capacities, and were well-known by everyone. You were the people who built this parish. Now, whether by age or by infirmity, you are no longer able to be here with us on Sundays. Your faces–though hidden from us–are nonetheless still a part of our parish. Even though you may be aged or infirm now, you are not off the hook. I ask you to continue your service to St. Patrick Parish by offering your sufferings for St. Patrick Parish and by praying for us. I have no doubt that your prayers and offerings continue to build up St Patrick Parish.
There are also those who live within our parish boundaries who perhaps never participated in the life of the parish. You may also now be aged and infirm. Since you were never or rarely here, maybe you feel as though you do not belong. Do you know what the Church says? It says that you are our parishioner. It says that I am your pastor and the priests here are your priests. If you spent almost all of your life far away from the Church and the Sacraments, the good news is that word, “almost.” There is still time to be reconciled and to begin anew. You are included among the faces that belong here.
There are those who maybe come on Christmas, Easter, Ash Wednesday, First Communions, Confirmations, or who send their children to St. Patrick School or to our parish religious education program, but who are otherwise not involved in the life of the community. There are those who simply drifted away from the practice of the Faith or who made a decision not to participate. Maybe along the way I upset you or someone else upset you. Maybe you drifted away because of some sin in your life. Maybe you have this nagging feeling on Sunday mornings or you say to yourself, “Someday I will go back.” I hope that “someday” comes sooner rather than later. Depriving yourself (and your children) of the Divine Life given in the Sacraments is spiritually harmful. As I write these words, I think of particular faces that I have seen here and there along the way who I wish were here every week. Your presence is missed and you could add so much to the life of others by being here. Please come back.
There are as many reasons for not being here as there are faces. Each person absent from our midst is an individual, not a category. I hope in my generalizations I was able to capture, at least, some portion of those whose faces we do not see. Maybe ninety-nine out of one hundred people who read this do not need to see it. My hope is that maybe one person will see it and seek to return. Jesus came to seek out the one lost sheep.
Whether you are not in our pews because of circumstances beyond your control or from willfulness, you are still a parishioner here. We want to attend to your spiritual needs. If you are ill or homebound, contact us and we will visit you. If you are healthy but not ready to come to Mass, you can still call and we will visit you. Whatever it takes. We want you here. You belong here.
Your Brother in Christ,
Fr. David Barnes
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Recently I have heard from several young married couples how much they love our parish and how they wish they could stay here, but that they cannot afford to purchase a home in Stoneham. Their comments made me both sad and grateful. Sad because I do not want to lose the presence of these beautiful families from our parish. Grateful because all of you, by God’s grace, have made this parish into a place where young families want to come and stay. If you are looking to add something to your prayer list, perhaps pray that more faithful Catholic families might be able to find homes in our community. The presence of faithful Catholic families enriches our parish and is a sign of life. Who knows, maybe a way will be opened up that will allow these families to live here and be a blessing to us? Frs. Patrick, Sijo, and I heard all of our St. Patrick School students’ confessions during the past couple of weeks. I am grateful that their administrators and teachers provide them with excellent formation beforehand which allows the students to be truly prepared to receive the Sacrament of Reconciliation. Learning to trust the Lord with our sins at a young age is an excellent formation for the future. By learning how to make a good confession, a person learns that God’s Mercy is reliable. We can trust God with anything and he will forgive us. It makes me so happy to know that our students are learning this. As Lent draws quickly towards Holy Week, I want to encourage you to go to Confession before Easter. Since November, I’ve lost some weight. Before that, I knew I had gained weight. I knew I needed to do something about it. Every time I saw the scale in my room, I avoided stepping on it because I knew it would be bad news. So, I knew I weighed too much, but stepping on the scale seemed like something to avoid. If I didn’t actually see the bad news, I could pretend like everything was fine. That’s what sometimes happens with Confession. Every Catholic knows that they should go to Confession. Every Catholic knows that they NEED Confession. But, oftentimes they are afraid to step on the scale. So, they pretend like they’re fine. And what happens? The longer they wait to go, the more they carry all this weight around. It gets heavier and heavier. It becomes ridiculous. Now, unlike the real scale that can only tell you the bad news but not fix it, Confession is so much better! When we go to Confession and acknowledge all of our sins, the Lord takes the weight of our guilt away immediately. Sure, we have to commit to doing some future spiritual training and commit to avoiding sin, but the weight of guilt disappears immediately. (Oh, if only the bathroom scale were so powerful!) Now, the longer you put it off, the more difficult it gets. And you play mental games with yourself, but deep down, you know you need to do it. And it is often the case that you carry around all of this anxiety and guilt for so many years, and the longer you put it off, the more you feel guilty about putting it off which makes you put it off even more. And then, a person like that comes to confession and says, “It’s been fifty years since I’ve been to confession” and lists all of these sins that they’ve been carrying around with them forever. They’re embarrassed by some sins. They’re ashamed of some sins. They are terribly guilt-ridden by some sins. Some sins were so long ago and they want the priest to know that they’ve changed since then. And having carried all this weight around forever and been afraid to step on the spiritual scale, they do it. And a lifetime of guilt is wiped away. Gone. There is nothing–absolutely nothing–that you can confess that the priest hasn’t heard before. Don’t let sin and embarrassment hold that kind of power over your life. Just confess it and be set free. I’ve run out of space, but maybe I will write or speak more about confession in the weeks ahead. Either way, chances are, you could afford to lose a few pounds (or maybe a lot of pounds) of guilt weight. I pray that all of us have the courage, the Faith, and the Hope to go to Confession soon. Your Brother in Christ, Fr. David Barnes
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Many scattered thoughts this week: Last Saturday 125 young people received the Sacrament of Confirmation in our parish. During that ceremony, I looked around with gratitude for the many parishioners who generously gave of themselves to our young people, their families, and their guests. One of the things that this parish does so well is making people feel welcomed. Thank you to those of you who gave up your Saturday to be here and to greet, welcome, and assist people. I also want to thank all of those who gave so much time this year serving in our Confirmation program. Your generosity of time and your modeling of faithful discipleship to our young people is an extraordinary gift to our parish. The Christian Faith spreads through witnesses. You have certainly been that. Thank you so very much. You will soon be hearing a lot about the Catholic Appeal which is the annual funding campaign to support our archdiocese. I am grateful for your past generosity and ask you to support this important work. Last year, all of us who contributed helped to surpass our parish goal. Thank you so much for that. Every hospital in our area has an on-call priest for emergencies. If your family member is hospitalized and is in danger of death, you should always ask the hospital to contact the “on-call priest.” This is the best and most efficient way of making certain that your loved one is able to receive the Sacraments. All of the priests in the area take turns covering the hospitals. This system makes it possible for the priests to divide the workload. I know I say it all the time, but it is so awesome to see so many young couples and babies around the parish! You bring so much joy to us. Thank You! Although each of us adopts Lenten disciplines that are particular to our own personal spiritual formation, we are, nonetheless, all in it together. As we live this Lent, let’s pray for one another. As we embrace our various lenten disciplines, we can pray for one another and offer our sacrifices for one another. We had a lot of funerals recently! When I was growing up, I attended our parish school and was an altar boy. That meant that I got out of school regularly to serve funerals. I remember there was a sacristan named Stanley. When the funeral would end, we would get Stanley to tell us stories and we’d volunteer to clean etc. Eventually when we got back to school, the nun would ask us why we were so late. We hated to have to blame Stanley, but someone had to be blamed! On a serious note, one thing I have always loved about the Catholic Funeral Mass is that whether you are a king or a pauper, the Church gives you the exact same prayers when you die. Sometimes people think that the Funeral Mass has to be unique or geared toward the person who died. But, I think what is really beautiful is when you simply get the Mass. This, in many ways, is true about Mass in general. The idea is not for Mass to be shaped by us, but rather for us to be shaped by the Mass. In any event, one thing I’d like to mention is resisting the current trend of people not having Funeral Masses for their loved ones. Plan ahead. Make certain that when you die, a Funeral Mass will be offered for you. Insist upon it. Don’t forget that we have a Noon Mass and a 6pm Mass every weekday during Lent. It’s a great opportunity. Thank you all for your joyful example and witness. Seeing you each week is a real source of joy for me. We are Jesus’ disciples and we can help one another follow Him. Your Brother in Christ, Fr. David Barnes
There is a verse in Psalm 16 that says, “He has put into my heart a marvelous love for the faithful ones who dwell in his land.” I often think that those words are an apt description of a priest’s heart. When I look out at Mass each Sunday and see you, your families, your joys, your sorrows, your burdens, your trials, your example, your fidelity, your desires etc., my heart is filled with a marvelous love for you. This marvelous love is a gift from the Lord. Today we stand at the threshold of Holy Lent. We step forward together into the desert in order to be purified and to grow in virtue. Just like the Hebrew People were led by the Lord from slavery in Egypt into the Promised Land, so too, we begin our Lenten pilgrimage. In this time and in this place, the Lord desires to lead all of us–together–into a deeper relationship with Him. It is always good to begin Ash Wednesday with a plan in place. Each of us is in need of purification and each of us is in need of a deeper union with Christ. Lent is an opportunity for all of us to join together in pursuing a greater conformity with Christ. The purpose of Lent is not merely to “give something up,” but to become more like Christ. Some things we give up because they are bad for us. Other things we give up as a way of disciplining ourselves. Is there some vice in your life that you know you should give up? Gossip, complaining, harboring resentments, pornography, attention-seeking, wasting time, spiritual laziness, spending too much time on empty entertainment, stinginess etc.? Lent is a good time to pick one of them and really dig deep in order to eliminate that vice from your life permanently. There are other things we give up just for the season of Lent. These can be good or neutral things that we voluntarily curtail in order to discipline ourselves to build up spiritual muscle to give up the more difficult attachments we have to sin. So, for example, maybe we give up a few minutes of sleep each day during Lent. We wake up ten minutes earlier each day and use that time for prayer. That sacrifice can strengthen us to fight the more difficult battles of giving up sins that have a hold upon us. It’s not about doing things just to do them. It’s about growing in virtue, especially in the virtue of charity. When I was a kid, my parish offered four daily Masses on weekdays during Lent, and they were all packed! There is nothing that can help us grow in charity more than worthy participation in Holy Mass. St. Patrick Parish will offer a 6pm Mass each weekday during Lent in addition to our daily Noon Mass. I hope that you will consider taking advantage of this gift. There are millions of things we can add for Lent. Increase your charitable giving. Pick one person each day and offer all your prayers and sacrifices that day for them. Write a note to one person each day during Lent telling them that you are praying for them. Visit the sick or the lonely. Instead of being negative or complaining, encourage people. These are all just random ideas. Each of us has to examine ourselves and figure out what our Lenten plan should be. Be careful to avoid certain pitfalls! For instance, one failure doesn’t mean we quit altogether. If we fail in our Lenten discipline, we get up and carry on. Do not come up with a plan that is bound to fail. Better to pick one or two things and actually do them than to pick a hundred things and never do any of them. Also, don’t make your Lenten penance everybody else’s penance. If giving up coffee is going to make everyone else in your life miserable, don’t give up coffee! If you don’t already, add frequent confession to your Lenten plan. I really hope that this Lent is a season of extraordinary grace for all of us. We are in it together. As I write this, I think of all of you and where you sit at Mass. I can see you there in your spot. And, my heart is filled with that marvelous love. I look forward to living this Lent together. As we set out together, let’s pray for one another and encourage one another. Before us is a great opportunity. Together, and by God’s grace, may we become truly holy. Your Brother in Christ, Fr. David Barnes
Firstly, let me share with you something that I found very consoling. I recently received a note from an 84 year old parishioner who said that she is praying for all of the new pastoral initiatives in the parish aimed at young people. Even though she is not directly involved in those things, she recognizes how important it is to evangelize, form, and build community among Catholic youth and young people. Her prayers, I have no doubt, are a source of great fruitfulness in those endeavors. Last week’s “Theology on Tap” hosted by the young adults of Stoneham and Reading had over fifty young adults join together for fellowship, prayer, and formation. Nobody was expecting such a large number, so they were all crammed into a very tight space. Thanks to all of those who helped organize it and attended it. Thanks also to Fr. Patrick who gave the talk. Last Sunday our Confirmation class had a retreat day led by Nicholas and Sarah Antonacci. Nick is the Assistant Principal at St. Patrick School. 130 or so young people prayed, listened to wonderful talks, shared in small groups, went to confession, and attended Mass. The day was the culmination of a lot of work by our confirmation team of parish staff and volunteers. These persons made a lot of personal sacrifices to commit to our young people during this whole year. In your name, I thank them. This brings me to a concern of mine. Every Sunday, approximately 1300 people attend Mass at St. Patrick. We have hundreds of Baptisms each year, over one hundred First Communions and Confirmations. Between our school and our religious education program, there are 650 children and young people. If all of those children and their parents were coming to Mass each Sunday, our Mass attendance would be at least 1950. And that would only be just them. Not all the other parishioners. When a parish has big numbers, it can be easy to be deluded into thinking that everything is great or, at least, safe. Those occasional “big blip” numbers–like First Communions and Confirmations–are not really an indication of the health of our spiritual life as a parish. In fact, they may be telling us of a serious problem. The real indication of spiritual health among our young people and their families is whether they are coming to Mass on Sundays and intentionally growing in their life of discipleship. A child who isn’t raised intentionally and actively in the Faith (especially by attending Mass every Sunday) is not, in twenty years, going to have his or her own children baptized. Those children will likely be devoid of any connection to the Faith that their grandparents once practiced with devotion, sacrifice, and fidelity. As I continue to reflect upon the situation our young people confront, I recognize that something urgently needs to be done. Do I know exactly what that is yet? Not entirely, but I think a shift needs to occur in our expectations and in our methods. I think we need to once again return to the expectation that parents are the first teachers of their children in the Faith. What volunteers, parish staff members, and teachers do is supplement and help parents in that responsibility, but we cannot–and should not–replace the parents in this obligation. What will this look like? I wish I knew! I think it means a pretty big paradigm shift in our thinking and approach. It will likely start small, but will be focused on helping those parents who really want to raise their children in the Faith. The problem is daunting. I am, however, reminded of the words of our Lord to his apostles, “Put out into the deep waters and lower your nets for a catch.” I sense that we have to leave the safety of what we have known and done in the past and trust that we have to go deeper. I have lots more to say on the matter, but no room to say it! Please keep this intention in your prayers. Your Brother in Christ, Fr. David Barnes
Even though the Christmas Season is over, today’s Feast of the Presentation of the Lord is, in some sense, the very, very end of Christmas. In some cultures, the Christmas decorations stay up until today. (I think sometimes in my family, the Christmas decorations stayed up until St. Patrick’s Day, but that was more out of procrastination than for any theological reasons.) Today’s Feast is always celebrated on February 2nd, so it is not often celebrated on a Sunday. It is a beautiful feast and has wonderful imagery. At all of the Masses, we will bless candles that will be used on our altars throughout the year. (Ever wonder why candles are used to bless throats? It is because the Feast of St. Blaise is on February 3rd, the day after all the candles are blessed.) On the front cover of the bulletin this week is a reproduction of Rembrandt’s depiction of the Presentation of the Lord. You will notice the contrast between light and darkness. Simeon, holding the forty-day-old Christ Child, says, “My own eyes have seen the salvation which you have prepared in the sight of every people, a light to reveal you to the Nations and the glory of your people, Israel.” Rembrandt artistically depicts this by showing most of the people in the painting as standing in the shadows. The Christ-Child, however, is not merely in the light. He is the Light. It is He who is shining on those nearest to Him, illuminating their lives, and his light is gradually conquering the surrounding darkness. The world can often be dark, cold, and cruel. Sin and its sinister seduction also draws us into the clutches of darkness. Even after we recognize its emptiness, we sometimes are deluded to think that going deeper into the abyss will eventually provide some satisfactory answer to our desire for meaning and our desire for fulfillment. To cast our lot in with the world and its power or to give ourselves over to sin is always the path to nowhere. It is the path to emptiness. Similarly, to base our life on power, pleasure, or possessions is to grasp at nothing. Simeon lived as a man who longed for the appearance of Christ. He must have known–perhaps more than most–the depth of the darkness that weighed upon the world. He was a man who hoped in the promise that he would see the Messiah. He waited patiently for the Lord. I am reminded of a piece of music that was often sung at funerals at a previous parish of mine. It is from Felix Mendelssohn’s Elijah, entitled, “O Rest in the Lord.” It is a very consoling and beautiful piece which repeats the phrases, “O rest in the lord, wait patiently for him. He shall give thee thy heart’s desires.” It also reminds the listener, “And fret not thyself because of evildoers.” Just rest in the Lord and wait patiently for Him. (Look the piece of music up! It’s beautiful!) I look at that Rembrandt depiction of Simeon, and it makes me think how good it is to just rest in the Lord and wait patiently for Him. In that moment, all of Simeon’s hopes and desires were far-surpassed. And the light embraced by Simeon gradually begins to affect those who are still in darkness. Each of us experiences the weight of the darkness of sin and the corruption of the world. We can easily grow discouraged by the evil-doing of others and by our own sinfulness. There can be a temptation to capitulate to a worldly mentality or to yield to the easy escape of sin. We can easily become trapped by the memories of our own past sins, ensnared by present sins, and hopeless about future freedom. We can easily lash out against our enemies and live with resentments. Difficult situations confront us–family problems, illnesses, addictions, loneliness, alienation from loved ones. We can also be deluded into thinking that we can, by sheer force of will, create the better world for which we long and then be frustrated when such a world eludes us. Are you suffering, discouraged, feeling weak, anxious, afraid, trapped in sin, feeling like you’re too far into the abyss to get out? Do you experience some darkness in your life and wonder if there is any relief? Simeon’s illumined face shows us the way: “O rest in the Lord, wait patiently for him. He shall give thee thy heart’s desires. Wait patiently for him.” Your Brother in Christ, Fr. David Barnes
