Choosing the Life We Want
Fr David Barnes • July 31, 2024
Dear Friends in Christ,
During high school and for part of college, I spent my summers working as a sailing instructor. (I know, hard work, but someone has to do it.)
Every so often, when I am home visiting my parents, I visit the boathouse where I worked during those summers. The last time I visited there just to look around, a feeling of melancholy settled over me. I think I was feeling the passing of time. But in that moment, I had a very vivid memory of a similar feeling in that same place decades earlier.
At the end of the evening shift at the boathouse—around 8pm—one of the last things I would do is bring the motorboat out to its mooring. Once it was secured, I’d carefully get on the windsurfing board and paddle back to the docks. I remember one night towards the end of the summer, paddling back to the dock, listening to the sound of the waves lapping against the board, and watching the late summer sun set. I remember thinking, “Summer is almost over,” and it made me melancholic. It also made me feel deeply grateful for being able to spend my summer in the sun and on the water.
Recently, I saw posted online a print that I have seen before. It is of a husband and wife sitting on the porch swing of their farmhouse in the evening twilight. They are both sipping from mugs. The man is smoking his pipe, and at his feet is their dog. The man who posted this print wrote something like this beneath it: “We see the culture around us collapsing and wonder if we can ever go back. But the world that was still exists. It’s just not evenly distributed. If you want that kind of life, don’t wait for society to do it for you. You have to decide to live it for yourself.”
I do not want to comment much on the opening ceremonies of the Olympics last week, but it was paradigmatic of the collapse of our culture. We live at a moment in time when the things that hold society and culture together are mocked, ostracized, and punished. It is not just on the Olympic stage that these things occur. They happen in the workplace, schools, and in institutions. In the past, society’s great institutions recognized the societal value of people worshipping God. Society encouraged men and women to get married, have children, and raise and educate their children in virtue. The whole thing worked together.
Such is not the case any longer. Many people perhaps feel like I did when I was paddling in the twilight. We think, “The great days of summer are gone.” We pine for that world where a husband and wife sit on their porch in the evening and look back with gratitude for their years of marriage and the way they raised their family. We pine for a life that is more innocent, pure, and simple.
That kind of life is not lost to us. Most likely, however, we are not going to discover it on the stage of the Olympic ceremonies. We are not going to find it in our government institutions, most educational institutions, or in the media. In large part, those institutions have rejected that way of life and have adopted a different kind of agenda. That does not mean, however, that this life is lost to us.
If we want that life for ourselves, then we have to choose intentionally to live that way. We have to choose to place our children in environments that support that vision of life. (This is why I am a big proponent of Catholic schools.) We have to choose to sit on the porch at night. We have to shut off our screens, open a book, play a board game, get together with others etc. We have to build communities.
When I see you at Mass every Sunday, I see you choosing that different way of life. I see you opting for something better, purer, more innocent, and more life-giving. This way of life is no longer going to be provided by others or by accident. It has to be chosen. This way of life is Christ. It is to re-discover Christ and to follow him with fidelity and with intentionality. Does your heart ache for this different kind of world? I see our life together as a place where we can look around at one another and see that the summer is not over. The life we desire is possible.
Your Brother in Christ,
Fr. David Barnes
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Pastor's Notes
He is Risen! He is Risen Indeed! That is an ancient greeting that Christians use during the Easter Season to greet one another. One person says, “He is Risen!” And the other responds, “He is Risen Indeed.” (Or, He is Truly Risen!). During the Easter Vigil, the Church sings the following words: “The sanctifying power of this night dispels wickedness, washes faults away, restores innocence to the fallen, and joy to mourners. O truly blessed night, when things of heaven are wed to those of earth, and divine to the human.” Even though we are only at the very beginning of the fifty-day Easter Season, my heart spent all of Lent already crying out, “He is Risen! He is Risen Indeed!.” I cannot adequately express what joy it brings to the priests of our parish that we were swamped by confessions this Lent. The world needs mercy. We need less harshness, less bitterness, less resentment, and less unforgiveness. We need less wickedness. The heart longs for forgiveness, for cleansing, for restored innocence, and for joy. It seems like an impossible wish list. The darkness that afflicts the world can seem indomitable. But what seems even more indomitable is death itself. Today, however, we proclaim that Christ is risen from the dead. He defeated even death itself. And He comes back carrying with Him the remedy for all of us. He gives to us what seemed impossible. He opens the way for us to be free, to be innocent, to be forgiven, and to live a new life. All Lent long people previously condemned by the twisted lie that there is no way forward, walked into the confessional. There, in the tribunal of truth, they humbled themselves before the Lord. And there, they encountered the Risen Christ. They encountered Mercy. There are so many times as a priest hearing confessions I have thought, “If this one confession was the only thing I ever did as a priest, it would be enough.” To be an instrument of the Lord’s Mercy and a witness to Christ setting someone free is extraordinary. Every penitent sinner who receives sacramental absolution is a sign of the victory of Christ. Easter may begin today, but its evidence is always around us, especially in the Sacraments. Every sincere confession and absolution that took place here this Lent could be described this way: “He is Risen! He is Risen Indeed!” On behalf of priests, deacons, pastoral and administrative staff of St. Patrick Parish, I wish you extraordinary graces during this Easter Season and I thank you for being such a wonderful parish family. I feel very privileged. He is Risen. He is Risen Indeed! Fr. David Barnes
At the very beginning of the Gospels, Jesus began calling his disciples. He invited them to follow Him. He invited them to leave the familiar behind and to trust Him. “Come and see.” “Go out into the deep.” “Follow me.” Those first disciples must have long remembered that initial encounter and that first, “Yes,” that they gave to the Lord. Their discipleship, however, was only beginning. Every moment of every day after that, the Lord was inviting them to affirm that initial, “Yes.” They had set out on the life-long adventure of discipleship. As we draw towards the end of Lent and enter into this Holy Week, my heart is filled with gratitude for the many ways in which you said, “Yes” this Lent. We added an extra daily Mass during Lent. You said, “Yes.” We added more confession times. You said, “Yes.” We had a Lenten retreat day. You said, “Yes.” We had a three-night series on learning to pray. You said, “Yes.” There was a group that met each Tuesday evening during Lent to grow in faith and prayer. You said, “Yes.” Young couples and families prayed Stations together each Friday and then had a meal together. They said, “Yes.” It is so easy to get distracted from staying on the path of discipleship. Various concerns, anxieties, worries, memories, fears, resentments, temptations, and problems clamor for our attention. We can easily allow these things to occupy too much of our thoughts and energy, and then we drift off course. This is why having companions on the road is so critical. When we walk in the company of people who are saying, “Yes,” to Christ, our life is reordered back to discipleship. When we see others who are following Christ, it awakens in us a greater desire to remain faithful to Him. Yes, the problems and difficulties of life are important, but the presence of other disciples reminds us that we live these problems and difficulties in a new way. We are walking with Christ. We sometimes make idols out of our worries, burdens, anxieties, fears, and problems. We spend too much time worshiping them by giving them too much time and energy. The presence of companions on the road reminds us that these problems are not everything. The Christian friend awakens in us confidence that we are not alone. It awakens in us courage to move forward. Today we begin Holy Week. It is the week for us all to be together. On Holy Thursday, Good Friday, Holy Saturday, and Easter Sunday we walk together. We enter Jerusalem today with Christ. We enter the Upper Room together on Holy Thursday. We go to Calvary together on Good Friday. On Holy Saturday, together we wait. On Holy Saturday evening and on Easter Sunday, we go to the tomb together to rejoice in the Resurrection. I look forward to living this week together with you. In seeing you and in walking with you, I come to see the power of the Christian, “Yes.” In seeing you live out your discipleship, it saves me from yielding to the cacophony of distractions that are part of life. An image came to mind for me about our parish during this Lent. You all were like a tree with your roots stretched out. No matter how much water was offered, you drank it in. You kept saying, “Yes.” I am grateful for that. Your drinking in what Christ has offered will undoubtedly produce great fruit. The week ahead offers so many graces to us. I hope that you keep drinking them in. Seeing your example encourages me to stretch out my roots and to drink also from Christ, the Living Waters. Together, on the Road with You, Fr. David Barnes
St. Paul in his First Letter to the Thessalonians writes, “Encourage one another and build one another up” (1 Thes 5:11). I remember some years ago hearing a priest say that every week when a particular parishioner would leave Mass, she’d tell him how wonderful his homily was. One particular day, he knew he had not preached particularly well, and as the woman was approaching him, he thought to himself, “Please don’t let her praise my homily, because if she does, I’ll never be able to believe another single compliment she ever gives.” When the woman approached with her usual smile and joy, the priest braced himself, but she said, “Father, those vestments are absolutely beautiful!” True encouragement always has to be rooted in the truth. Telling someone who just struck out each time at bat that he really hit the ball well is patently untrue. As such, it doesn’t really encourage the person. In that situation, perhaps true encouragement might be more like, “Tough game, but I admire your perseverance and how you get up at each bat and give it your all.” Encouragement goes a long way in the Christian life. Encouragement points out the ways in which someone is responding to the graces that the Lord is giving to that person. We should never encourage a person to commit sin or to remain in sin. That is always a disservice to the person. That would be like the Good Samaritan seeing the person beaten up by the side of the road and saying, “You’re fine.” That is patently false and unhelpful. Instead, true encouragement stops and acknowledges the wounded person. The man left by the side of the road for dead was in a bad situation. But, the Good Samaritan offers hope. He not only shows the wounded man that there is a way out of his situation, he brings him to a better place. True encouragement helps us to move forward by showing a way forward. The way forward is often identifiable by pointing out where the Lord is present here and now. This is especially true in the confessional. Probably one of my most often repeated phrases in the confessional is, “No discouragement.” Sin is bad, but discouragement is worse! There is always a way forward from sin. A person is never locked in the past. The confessional shows that there is a way forward. Mercy moves us forward. Step by step. The person who doesn’t pray much? Well, I’d want to encourage them by pointing out that here they are in the confessional praying for mercy. The person who confesses pride? I’d want to encourage them by reminding them that they are now humbly kneeling before God asking for forgiveness... What could be more humble than that? The person who struggles with purity and chastity? I’d encourage them by pointing out that in a culture that mocks purity and chastity, what a wonderful grace the Lord has given to them that they actually desire it. To the person who hasn’t been to confession in a long, long time? Isn’t it great that you responded to God’s grace to be here now? To the person who lies? I’d want to encourage them by pointing out that here they are confessing the truth. That’s God’s grace at work. Encouragement is not flattery. Encouragement is to spur someone forward by pointing out the truth that holiness is possible. To encourage someone is to say, “The Lord is doing this good thing in you. I see it. Keep going!” Flattery isn’t about helping the other person. It is about making me look better to the other person. Encouragement, on the other hand, is about helping the other person to move forward. It is for them. Encouragement is not only about helping someone move away from sin. It is also about helping them to advance in the life of grace. Pointing out the ways in which someone is living the Christian life is a source of encouragement for that person. It helps them to remember that they are walking along the way, and that way is Christ Himself. It pulls them along. I am encouraged by all of you. All the ways that the Lord is filling you with His graces and all the ways that you respond to those graces is a source of encouragement to me. It makes me want to follow this Way even more and to never be discouraged by my own weakness. As we draw closer to Holy Week, let us be more firmly resolved to the Way that is Christ. And let us help one another to stay on this Way. “Let us encourage one another and build one another up.” Your Brother in Christ, Fr. David Barnes
Recently I have heard from several young married couples how much they love our parish and how they wish they could stay here, but that they cannot afford to purchase a home in Stoneham. Their comments made me both sad and grateful. Sad because I do not want to lose the presence of these beautiful families from our parish. Grateful because all of you, by God’s grace, have made this parish into a place where young families want to come and stay. If you are looking to add something to your prayer list, perhaps pray that more faithful Catholic families might be able to find homes in our community. The presence of faithful Catholic families enriches our parish and is a sign of life. Who knows, maybe a way will be opened up that will allow these families to live here and be a blessing to us? Frs. Patrick, Sijo, and I heard all of our St. Patrick School students’ confessions during the past couple of weeks. I am grateful that their administrators and teachers provide them with excellent formation beforehand which allows the students to be truly prepared to receive the Sacrament of Reconciliation. Learning to trust the Lord with our sins at a young age is an excellent formation for the future. By learning how to make a good confession, a person learns that God’s Mercy is reliable. We can trust God with anything and he will forgive us. It makes me so happy to know that our students are learning this. As Lent draws quickly towards Holy Week, I want to encourage you to go to Confession before Easter. Since November, I’ve lost some weight. Before that, I knew I had gained weight. I knew I needed to do something about it. Every time I saw the scale in my room, I avoided stepping on it because I knew it would be bad news. So, I knew I weighed too much, but stepping on the scale seemed like something to avoid. If I didn’t actually see the bad news, I could pretend like everything was fine. That’s what sometimes happens with Confession. Every Catholic knows that they should go to Confession. Every Catholic knows that they NEED Confession. But, oftentimes they are afraid to step on the scale. So, they pretend like they’re fine. And what happens? The longer they wait to go, the more they carry all this weight around. It gets heavier and heavier. It becomes ridiculous. Now, unlike the real scale that can only tell you the bad news but not fix it, Confession is so much better! When we go to Confession and acknowledge all of our sins, the Lord takes the weight of our guilt away immediately. Sure, we have to commit to doing some future spiritual training and commit to avoiding sin, but the weight of guilt disappears immediately. (Oh, if only the bathroom scale were so powerful!) Now, the longer you put it off, the more difficult it gets. And you play mental games with yourself, but deep down, you know you need to do it. And it is often the case that you carry around all of this anxiety and guilt for so many years, and the longer you put it off, the more you feel guilty about putting it off which makes you put it off even more. And then, a person like that comes to confession and says, “It’s been fifty years since I’ve been to confession” and lists all of these sins that they’ve been carrying around with them forever. They’re embarrassed by some sins. They’re ashamed of some sins. They are terribly guilt-ridden by some sins. Some sins were so long ago and they want the priest to know that they’ve changed since then. And having carried all this weight around forever and been afraid to step on the spiritual scale, they do it. And a lifetime of guilt is wiped away. Gone. There is nothing–absolutely nothing–that you can confess that the priest hasn’t heard before. Don’t let sin and embarrassment hold that kind of power over your life. Just confess it and be set free. I’ve run out of space, but maybe I will write or speak more about confession in the weeks ahead. Either way, chances are, you could afford to lose a few pounds (or maybe a lot of pounds) of guilt weight. I pray that all of us have the courage, the Faith, and the Hope to go to Confession soon. Your Brother in Christ, Fr. David Barnes
Usually when I write in the bulletin, in my mind, I am not writing to an anonymous group of persons who may or may not read these letters. I am thinking of the faces that I see each week sitting in the pews or in the rush at the end of Mass as you pass by. I am thinking about particular faces. Christianity is not vague or ambiguous. It is about particular persons. Firstly, it is about the persons of the Blessed Trinity, Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. It is about particular brothers and sisters who sit near us at Mass. We do not love vaguely. We love particularly. This past week, I visited some homebound parishioners. Some I knew from when they were able to come to Mass regularly, but others I have never met. It struck me that there are faces I do not see who are also our parishioners. Today, in a particular way, I want to write to them. Maybe, in God’s Providence, their eyes might fall upon these words. Either way, I trust that there is no harm in writing to the faces that I do not see. Among the faces that I do not see are those previously mentioned. You are those who were long an active presence in our pews. You were the people who “did things.” You served on parish committees, volunteered in various capacities, and were well-known by everyone. You were the people who built this parish. Now, whether by age or by infirmity, you are no longer able to be here with us on Sundays. Your faces–though hidden from us–are nonetheless still a part of our parish. Even though you may be aged or infirm now, you are not off the hook. I ask you to continue your service to St. Patrick Parish by offering your sufferings for St. Patrick Parish and by praying for us. I have no doubt that your prayers and offerings continue to build up St Patrick Parish. There are also those who live within our parish boundaries who perhaps never participated in the life of the parish. You may also now be aged and infirm. Since you were never or rarely here, maybe you feel as though you do not belong. Do you know what the Church says? It says that you are our parishioner. It says that I am your pastor and the priests here are your priests. If you spent almost all of your life far away from the Church and the Sacraments, the good news is that word, “almost.” There is still time to be reconciled and to begin anew. You are included among the faces that belong here. There are those who maybe come on Christmas, Easter, Ash Wednesday, First Communions, Confirmations, or who send their children to St. Patrick School or to our parish religious education program, but who are otherwise not involved in the life of the community. There are those who simply drifted away from the practice of the Faith or who made a decision not to participate. Maybe along the way I upset you or someone else upset you. Maybe you drifted away because of some sin in your life. Maybe you have this nagging feeling on Sunday mornings or you say to yourself, “Someday I will go back.” I hope that “someday” comes sooner rather than later. Depriving yourself (and your children) of the Divine Life given in the Sacraments is spiritually harmful. As I write these words, I think of particular faces that I have seen here and there along the way who I wish were here every week. Your presence is missed and you could add so much to the life of others by being here. Please come back. There are as many reasons for not being here as there are faces. Each person absent from our midst is an individual, not a category. I hope in my generalizations I was able to capture, at least, some portion of those whose faces we do not see. Maybe ninety-nine out of one hundred people who read this do not need to see it. My hope is that maybe one person will see it and seek to return. Jesus came to seek out the one lost sheep. Whether you are not in our pews because of circumstances beyond your control or from willfulness, you are still a parishioner here. We want to attend to your spiritual needs. If you are ill or homebound, contact us and we will visit you. If you are healthy but not ready to come to Mass, you can still call and we will visit you. Whatever it takes. We want you here. You belong here. Your Brother in Christ, Fr. David Barnes
The taking on of various lenten disciplines can be revelatory. Firstly, we might discover how attached we are to certain creature comforts. For most of us, we do not take on gigantic penances. Perhaps we give some small thing up for Lent, but in our minds, it becomes something huge. All of a sudden that dessert, that glass of wine, that extra five minutes of sleep, or whatever it is that we’ve given up seems to us like it is the greatest of all sacrifices. This revelation is good for us! It reveals to us that perhaps we’ve become rather soft in our life. Another thing we may notice is that our Lenten penances reveal to us other weaknesses in our life. That is because the penances are making us more sensitive to spiritual realities. We become more sensitive to faults that perhaps we didn’t realize we had. Or, faults we know we have but have chosen to ignore, make themselves more apparent to us. This can be uncomfortable for us. Perhaps, in the past, we relied on those particular creaturely pleasures to help us to escape from dealing with our faults. For instance, if you give up some form of entertainment for Lent, all of a sudden you are left with . . . actual quiet. In the quiet, things begin to rise to the surface. You are confronted with things about yourself that you’ve safely avoided by filling every waking moment with mindless entertainment. And, of course, the temptation now is to resort back to those entertainments so that you can avoid this uncomfortable feeling. Rising to the surface can be all manner of ugly things. We discover that in our hearts are perhaps impurity, anger, resentments, pride, envies, or spiritual laziness. We may be suddenly confronted by the fact that we nag, complain, gossip, lie, presume the faults of others, or detract from the good reputation of others. So, we try to escape from them by finding refuge in creature comforts. If these things are happening to you during Lent, great! That is what is supposed to happen. We who may have previously felt self-sufficient in our spiritual life, are coming to recognize our absolute need for grace. Lent is not about us making ourselves good. It is about allowing grace to perfect us. One of the perks of being a priest is that often if I’m meeting a priest friend for dinner or whatever, it is not unusual to ask him to hear my confession first. Even so, I still like getting in line for confession with all the other penitents. There’s something so Catholic about waiting in line together to go to confession. It says, “We are all in this together.” That is also true of Lent. We are in it together. Each of us is striving to grow in holiness. We may have all taken on different disciplines, but we are each trying to grow in holiness. For some, they are trying to get back into the swing of things. Maybe they’ve been away for a while, but Lent has awakened a desire within themselves to return. Blessed Be God. It’s so nice to see you here. Others are participating in the Saturday morning Men’s Group, Women’s Bible Studies, the Lenten Formation Program on Monday nights. Young families are meeting together for prayer, meals, and for mutual encouragement. A good number of folks are coming to daily Mass at Noon or at 6 pm. The confession lines are full. We make some small offering to the Lord–some sacrifice, some sign of our desire to grow in holiness–and, in turn, He gives us a hundredfold of grace. He takes our meager offering, blesses it, and multiplies it. As I look around at all of you this Lent as you strive to grow in holiness, I am convinced that the Lord is pouring out His graces upon this parish and upon each of us. Let us pray that the Lord may bring to completion the good work He has begun among us. Your Brother in Christ, Fr. David Barnes
